T’was the night before Christmas, the evening when Santa looms
Not a creature was stirring, except the one in my pantaloons.
The stockings were hung, by the chimney with tape
Because care got us nowhere, after last year’s Santa rape.
And I with my kerchief, and mama with her one-sie
Had just settled down, for some warm, winter funsie.
When out on the street, a noise rang through the dark,
A crescendo of clamor, on Lexington and Park!
To the window I flew, and I soon grew abashed
On behalf of the carolers I’d inadvertently flashed.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear?
But a man and eight kittens, dressed all like reindeer.
He carried them bundled, toward the building he came
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
“On Mr. Waffles! On Mr. Waffles! On Mr. Waffles! On Mr. Waffles!
On Mr. Waffles! On Mr. Waffles! On Mr. Waffles! On Mr. Waffles!”
He climbed the fire escape, his stature short and arthritic
His breathing was labored, his features semitic.
His voice seemed familiar, as he called ho ho ho
And crashed down the chimney, to the fireplace below.
He stood in the foyer, looking bold and distinguished.
Suit covered in foam, once the fire was extinguished.
Oh, the children had been nestled, but staying up deviously
Thinking of sugar plums, which I forgot about previously.
So, the man stood there proudly, like a large, watchful sentry
And begged I not charge him, with breaking and entry.
As he spoke I first saw him, and in my shock I did blink
As I recognized my neighbor, Peter Digglewink.
Over his shoulder he had flung, a large bundle of toys
That he’d purchased in Costco, and gave to my boys
His eyes how they twinkled, with his dances and frolics!
His nose glowed like a cherry, or like an alcoholic’s.
He had a round face, and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly.
And then a bowl full of jelly, he removed from his coat
And it wiggled and jiggled, as it was poured down his throat.
His hat was askew, and his beard was detaching
He coughed and he wheezed, and he soon started scratching.
As he removed from his bag, a few balls and some bats
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m allergic to cats.”
And with kittens all loose, the room frought with frustration
The kids as frightened as they’d been since gentrification.
Peter packed up some cookies, and offered a bow
And we thanked him and told him, that he should leave now.
He offered a handshake, and a kiss to my wife
And my children were as scared as they’d been in their life.
His manner it scared them, his appearance appalled them
Then security arrived, because my doorman had called them.
“On Mr. Waffles,” he said, and then “Mush” he did shout,
As security forcefully ushered him out.
But I heard him exclaim, as he was led out of sight
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
Digglewink's World 